Wild Twilight
by Dancing Pixie 101
Summary: Alice owns a clothing line, Jasper can't have s*x, Edward can't visit Bella at night, Emmett has a job, Rosalie has an evil laugh, and Bella watches amused. Rose and Alice try to keep their store in one piece, and Emmett screams.What next? James shopping?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Emmet: *reading a sign* Pixie-Sized Industries.

Jasper: Pixie-Sized? What the heck is that?

Alice: *Squealing* It's my new clothing line!!!

Bella: You own a clothing line?!?!

Edward: She does now. She stole it from Abercrombie.

Bella: Alice!! How could you?

Emmett: Go Alice!!!

Alice: I just went over to the manager showed him my puppy face and a million dollars. Then BOOM!! *claps hands making everyone jump* I own a clothing line!!! *jumps up and down squealing*

Edward: *snorts* You **just** now noticed that, Jasper?

Everyone: Noticed what? *looking around*

Alice: *gasp* I don't have any workers!!! *runs to the cash register* Oh no!!

Edward and Jasper exhale in relief as Alice runs frantically around the store.

Bella: What did Jasper really think, Edward?

Edward: He thought that his wife really is crazy.

Jasper: *butts in* But don't tell Alice please!!!

Emmett: Your wish is my command, bro. Mwahahaha. *skips over to Alice* Jasper and Edward think you're crazy, Alice!!!

Alice: Gasp! NO!!

Emmett: Yes!!!

Alice chases after Edward and Jasper, who ran after Emmett's evil laugh. While Bella and Emmett laugh at the boys getting chased by a tiny vampire.

-----Three hours later----

Alice drags the boys back to her store: Now to punish you; Jasper, no s*x for a month.

Jasper: *falls to his knees* NOOOOO!!!! PLEASE HAVE MERCY!!!!

Edward:*helps Jasper up* Have a little dignity, Jazz. You'll live for a month.

Alice: *grins evilly* I'm not done yet. Edward, you can't visit Bella in her room at night for a month!!

Edward: *screams* NOOO!!! ALICE, YOU CAN"T DO THIS TO ME!!!!

Alice: *snickers and thinks 'Dignity, Edward, dignity'* I can and I will. I'll also know if you try to get around your punishments. *taps head* Mwahahahaha!!

Rose: She's been spending waaaaay to much time with Emmett.

Edward and Jasper: AAAAAAAH!!!! DON'T KILL US PLEASE!!!!

Rose: *rolls eyes* It's me, guys, Rosalie Hale Cullen? Your sister?

Edward: *clutching heart* Don't do that Rose, I almost had a heart attack!!

Rose: You can't have heart attacks, Edward.

Edward: *bursts into tears and runs away*

Jasper: Where did you come from, Rose?

Rose: *grins evilly* A book called Twilight written by Stephanie Meyer. It's taking over the world one character at a time.

Jasper: *runs away screaming*

Rose: Mwahahaha!!! *pause* WAAAAY to much time with Emmett. *another pause* Mwahahaha!!!

Alice: Boys, because I am sadly lacking in the employee department I need you to help me run the store.

Emmett: Sweet!!! Do we get paid?

Alice: Yes. *vision* One million dollars, Emmett before you ask.

Emmett: Yay!! I'm going to go tell Rosie!!

Edward: *whines* I don't want more money, though!!!

Jasper: *whines* Me either!!!

Alice: Fine!! I'll take time off of your punishments!! Now, GET TO WORK!!!!!

Edward and Jasper scurry off. Alice sighs and rubs her temples.

Emmett: EEEEEEEEKK!!!!

**AN: If you have any grudges against the characters of Twilight tell me their name and your evil plan to get back at them and I might put it in my story. I know it's a cliff hanger but it's the best I could do. **

**Rose: Now review or we'll put our evil plan into action!! Mwahahaha!!!**

**Emmett: *whines* I wanted to laugh evilly. Rose, you stole my line!!**

**Rose: *growls and glares at Emmett* What did you say?**

**Emmett: Wonderful evil laugh baby!!!!!**

**Rose: *Smiles smugly* That's what I thought you said.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight no matter how much I wish I do.**

Rose: Emmett what's wrong?

Emmett: *hyperventilating* He almost touched me!! *points to little kid*

Edward: So? He's just a little kid he won't hurt you.

Emmett: Yes he will!! I saw Monsters Inc. last night and the kids are poisonous!!! Even the things they touch are poisonous!! So he can't touch me or I'll die!! *starts to dry-sob* I'm too young to die.

Rose: *groan* Why did I marry him?

Kid walks over to Jasper and tugs on his sleeve.

Emmett, Jasper, and Alice: EEEEEEEEEEKK!!!!!!!!

Alice: That is a limited edition shirt, kid. Touch it again and I will rip your arms off!!!!

Emmett: Jasper's been contaminated!!! He's doomed!!!!

Jasper: *feels Emmett's panic and starts to freak out* AAAAAAHH!!!!!! Get it off of me!!! HEEEELP!!!!!!

Bella: *walks up* What's wrong with Jasper?

Edward: *grabs Bella and puts her behind him* Watch out!!!! The kid is poisonous!!!!! It says so in Monsters Inc.

Bella: *sigh* Remember the end though? It turns out the kids weren't poisonous.

Emmett: Oh. Sorry kid. *goes to hug him but kid runs away screaming*

Alice: *attacks Emmett* You lost me a customer!!!

Edward: *cheers* Give him a left!!! Give him a right!!! Go Alice!!!!

Jasper: *feels Edward's emotions* Go Emmett!!!! *feels Emmett's* AAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!! Bella!!!! Save me!!! *feels Alice's* I'll get you for that Bella!!!

Bella: What did I do?

Jasper: *pauses to think* You…. stole my air!!! HA!!!! *tries to pounce on her but Edward intercepts*

Rose: A hundred on Alice.

Bella: Ok, I'll bet on Emmett and Edward.

Rose: Deal. *shakes Bella's hand*

The kid, his mom, and the mall police walk up to the fight.

Police: Break it up, kids, break it up. *Alice stops on top of Emmett and Jasper on Edward*

Rose: HA!!!! I win. Pay up.

Bella: *groans and hands money to Rose*

Mom: *turns to kid* Is that them, sweetie?

Kid: *nods and points to Emmett* He's the really mean one.

Emmett: *gasp* That's not true! You're a liar!! *tries to grab kid but police puts handcuffs on him* What the hell dude?

Mom: *gasps and points to kid* Watch your mouth around my son, you son of a bitch!!!

Everyone but Bella, the mom, the police, and the kid burst out laughing.

Police: *arrests them all* You're coming with me!!

All: WHAT!!!!!

Edward: Esme's going to kill us!!!

Alice: NOOOOOOO!!!!!! MY BEAUTIFUL STORE!!!!! DON'T WORRY BABY, MOMMY WILL BE BACK!!! I PROMISE YOOOOOUUUU!!!!! *gets dragged away still screaming*

Edward: Do you think Charlie will still let me date Bella if I don't have a perfect record?

Rose: No.

Edward: NOOOOO!!!!! I'LL BE NEAR YOU MY LOVE I PROMISE YOU!!! THEY CANNOT KEEP US APART FOREVER!!!!!! *gets dragged away still screaming too*

Police: Let's go kid. *nudges Emmett*

Emmett: But I want to scream too!!! Please?!?!

Police: No. *starts to pull him away*

Emmett: NOOOOO!!!!! I WANT TO SCREAM AS YOU DRAG ME AWAY!!! PLEASE LET ME SCREAM!!!!!! IT'S MY SOLE GOAL IN LIFE!!!! NOOOO!!!!! *gets dragged away screaming*

Rose: What an idiot. *turns to kid and hands him three hundred dollars* Here you go. Thanks for getting them arrested. Did you really have to get me arrested too though?

Kid: *takes money* Yep!!! *skips away humming*

Rose: Grrrrrrr. *lets police take her away*

**AN: What do you think? Good? Not good? Please review and tell me what you think.**

**Emmett: Rose?**

**Rose: Hmm?**

**Emmett: What was the evil plan you talked about last chapter?**

**Edward: She doesn't have one. She was just trying to scare you.**

**Emmett: Ahhhh!! Where did you come from?**

**Edward: Remember last chapter?**

**Emmett: Yes.**

**Edward: *grins evilly* Twilight.**

**Emmett runs away screaming.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight!!! Darn!!!**

Alice: Emmett!! This is your fault!!!

Emmett: What did I do?

Alice: You got us in here!!!!! So, you have to get us out.

Edward: Bad idea, Alice.

Alice: Shut up or this will become a common occurrence for you!!!

Edward: *shuts up*

Twenty minutes later.

Emmett: I KNOW!!!!

Edward: AAAAAH!!!! *sob* You scared me!!! I nearly had another heart attack!!!!

Rose: *sigh* You **still** can't have heart attacks, Edward.

Edward: *sobs then screams* Why do you always have to ruin my un-life?!?!?!

Rose: Un-life isn't a word.

Edward: SEE WHAT I MEAN?!?!? YOU'RE SO CRUEL!!!!!

Police comes to see what the noise is about.

Police: Keep it down.

Edward: SHE'S RUINING MY UN-LIFE THOUGH!!!!!

Police: Un-life isn't a word.

Edward: *sighs dramatically* The world is against me!!! *goes to corner and pouts*

Police: I'm going to call a doctor for him. *leaves*

Jasper: *feels Edward's emotions and sobs* WHY ME?!!?!?!?!?

Alice: Why you what, baby?

Jasper: WHY DO YOU CALL ME BABY!!!! *sobs and runs to corner*

Emmett: *still talking from beginning of story* and then BOOM we're out. What do you think?

Alice and Rose: *decide to go with it* Sure. Yeah. Perfect. Awesome. You're a genius. Brilliant.

Emmett: *beams* Ok, then. Commence operation EIAGAEJNRAGHTJOMAPFOJ!!!!!!

Alice: What does EIAGAEJNRTFAGHTJOMAPFOJ stand for, Emmett?

Emmett: Emmet is a genius and everyone just now realized that fact and gave him the job of making a plan for our jailbreak!!! Do you like it? I made it up myself!!!!

Crickets are chirping on Saturn.

Edward: SHUT UP CRICKETS!!!! I'M TRYING TO FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF!!!!!!

Crickets stop because their feelings got hurt.

Alice: Right!!! Commence operation EIAGAEJNRAGHTJOMAPFOJ!!!!!!

Rose: *gets elbowed by Alice* Oh!!! Err… right, um let's do this?

Emmett: *smashes a hole in the back of the cell and sets toy cannon in the center of the floor*

Eight police come running.

Police 1: What's going on now?

Emmett: *points to toy cannon* It came to life!! Toys are taking over the world!!!!

All police: AAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!! HEEEELP!!!! WE'RE DOOMED!!!!!!!!!! *run out of jail screaming*

Emmett: Mwahahaha!!! Operation EIAGAEJNRAGHTJOMAPFOJ is a success!!!

They all leave and return to mall to extract revenge on the kid and his mother.

Rose: *gasp* Alice, look!!!! It's horrendous!!!

Alice: *looks and then faints*

Edward: *gasps* She fainted!!! *has a heart attack*

Rose: EDWARD!!! YOU CAN'T HAVE HEART ATTACKS!!!! SO GET OVER IT!!!!

Edward: *gets up* You don't love me!!! If you did you would let me have heart attacks!!!

Rose: Then go find someone who does love you!!!

Edward: *runs off to find Bella*

Emmett: *pokes Alice* When will she get up? *pokes her again* I'm bored. *sighs* Let's go shopping.

Alice: Shopping?!?!?!?!?!

Emmett: AAAAAAAAH!!!! IT'S AWAKE!!!!! *runs away screaming about evil pixies and shopping*

Rose: I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't give my husband a heart attack.

Edward: *runs up* You said we couldn't have heart attacks. Does this mean I can now?

Rose: No. Only Emmett can.

Edward: *runs away sobbing*

Alice: Why can't I give him a heart attack?

Rose: Because he doesn't have a ban, meaning I can have s*x with him, unlike you and Jasper.

Jasper: WHY DID YOU REMIND ME?!?!?!? EDDIE'S RIGHT!!! YOU ARE EVIL!!!!!!! *runs away sobbing too*

Rose: Now that the idiots are gone, why did you faint?

Alice: *opens her mouth but no sound comes out* I can't say it.

Rose: PLEASE!!!!

Alice: *points shakily in front of her*

Rose: *gasp*

Alice's store was replaced with the Abercrombie that was originally supposed to be there.

Rose: *grin* So what's your evil plan for revenge?

Alice: Well…..

**AN: I hope you guys liked it, I may not be able to update for a while so please review in the meantime. Anonymous reviews are accepted but I would rather signed. If anyone has ideas for Alice and Rose's revenge please tell me. Also, please check out my other story, I'll Never Forget or Forgive. And for the record I have nothing against Abercrombie, it was just the first store that popped into my head, sorry if I offended ant of you it was not intentional.**

**Emmett: The more you review the faster she'll update.**

**Rose: Boo!!!**

**Emmett: *screams and has a heart attack***

**Alice: Why couldn't I do that?**

**Rose: Because I'm married to him meaning I torture him, you torture Jasper and soon Bella will torture Edward. Understand, my evil pixie co-planner?**

**Alice: *huff* Yes.**

**Bella: When do I come in again?**

**Alice: Will you help us with our evil plan?**

**Bella: No.**

**Alice: Maybe a few chapters later.**

**Bella: *pout***


End file.
